I'll let you fetch my beer for me while I lay on the couch| And I'll remind you when you need to take the garbage out| I'll be rude to your family and learn to hate your friends| I'll promise to be home by five and then be home by ten-| |Chorus: I can do that, I can treat you like he does| Yeah I can do that if that's what it takes to win your love| Though it goes against my raising, well that's the way I'll act| If a jerk is what you want, well I can do that-||Verse: I'll always introduce you as my old ball and chain| I'll swat your rear and point out every single pound you gain| I'll never buy you flowers, I'll never send you cards| But I will expect you to clean the house and wash and wax my car-|| (Repeat Chorus)||Verse: I've watched the way he treats you and I've learned a thing or two| I guess I see the kind of man that you're attracted to| I don't act like a neanderthal but I guess I'll have to start| It seems to be the only chance I've got to steal your heart|| (Repeat Chorus)||Bridge: Nice guys finish last| So from now on, I'm gonna be a horses, Yeah-|| (Repeat Chorus)|