I Can't Process Video (MV)

It started with my mom-mom
She passed when I was a kid
I still remember playing go-fish
And all the things we did
At that time I didn't understand it
And I still kinda don't
But now I get what it all means
And what it does to others

I didn't go to her funeral because I couldn't process
I didn't sleep that night because I couldn't process
I didn't talk about it because I couldn't process
My mind is at a roadblock because I cannot process

I know that immortality is just a stupid fantasy
But the thought of people passing away is really hurting me
I hate to see RIP on your instagram page
I hear you're gone and I get so down and then I start to rage

Next up was an idol
From my favorite rock band
He passed away in his sleep
Gone by his own hand
He had a lot of issues
Both physical and mental
Some of us can take the pain
While others cannot settle

I listened to his song on repeat because I couldn't process
I watched his interviews all night because I couldn't process
I didn't talk about it because I couldn't process
My mind is at a roadblock because I cannot process

I know that immortality is just a stupid fantasy
But the thought of people passing away is really hurting me
I hate to see RIP on your instagram page
I hear you're gone and I get so down and then I start to rage

Recently it's been people I knew in real life
One was my bro's ex girl, she was sad
Another was my grandfather and he was ill
And just the other day it was this kid
He was my first ever real best friend
It was all so sudden and I wish it didn't end

I signed off social media because I couldn't process
I made sure others were okay because I couldn't process
I didn't talk about it because I couldn't process
My mind is at a roadblock because I cannot process

The problem is I've thought about leaving myself
I never talk about it cuz I put it all on the shelf
I haven't touched that topic in so long cuz I guess I got lucky
I was able to avoid it and yeah I know it's touchy
This subject about illness, suicide and all the tragedy
Just know I get it because to this day it all affects me

I started making music cuz I still can't process
I had to write this song cuz I still can't process
I didn't talk about it and I still can't process
My mind is at a roadblock because I still can't process