Time Thief - Waiting Lyrics

The question begs the answer
The question is why
It's the only thing I've asked myself since my mother died
Like why should I get out of bed
Why should I go to work
When the only thing I'm working towards is a bed of dirt
What's the point in questioning
These days I fail to find a reason in anything
Why do they call themselves friends
When in the end, they're a bunch of headless chickens looking out for their own heads
I'm abandoned
On another planet
They say life's a canvas but I'm not that kinda artist
I can't paint shit so I'll use it as a target
Heart pierced like cartilage
Let me spark it for a moment of respite from my hardships
And to all my ex lovers
I promise I still love ya
If I could turn back time I'd take you back and show ya
Show you everything that makes me wish I had a second chance
Wish I still had my fingers interlocked inside your hands
The question begs the answer and the question is why
It's the only thing I've asked myself since my mother died
Like if you're supposed to be our savior
Why did you f*cking take her?
Barely feel like a human being
I'd rather be anything other than me
Even an anemone
Anything's gotta be better than my own worst enemy
I deny the Holy Spirit, guess that makes me a heathen
But if that's the case then why am I the one still breathing?
My mother had faith in her reverend
I'd spend an eternity in hell for her to spend a second in heaven
Lay down on green grass, reflect on your life and everything that's passed
Lay down read another story, reflect on my life and all I can say is I'm sorry
Hear my mother's voice chirp when she'd sing that mocking bird
And I finally understand the words
She'd give up anything and everything for me like a growing tree
Ever count the days ever wonder when it'll end?
Ever see yourself reflected in the eyes of the dead?
Question begs the answer
And the question is why
It's the only thing I've asked myself since my mother died
Like why?
Why?
I look ahead like there's nothing left
You don't know the true pain of regret
When my mom wanted a hug when I was fifteen and I shrugged her off
Cause I didn't want her to smell the weed
What a f*cking mistake, every recollection is nothing but heartbreak
My makes heart ache, I remember when She'd dance to the beat of drums
Liked the heavy toms, loved the way she'd dance around
Gotta thank her for my talent, Mom
Know I love you and I hope I made you proud
Now I'll never see that again
I'll never hear that cheer or laughter happen
I'll never see a smile I'll never feel that kinda joy in my life time i
It's all absent until I die and reconnect