PALACE OF THE CZAR
An intimate friend of the czar was I
An intimate friend of the great Nickolai
We practically slept in the same double bed
With me at the foot and he at the head
Now all that seems distance and all that seems far
From those wonderful nights at the palace of the Czar
When we went shooting with Rasputin
Ate farina with Czarina
Blintzes with the princess and the Czar, hey, hey, hey
We were sharing tea and herring
Dipped banana in smetana
Borscht and vorscht around the samovar, ole
An intimate friend of the Czar all my life
More intimate still with his pretty young wife
We practically slept in the same double bed
Till the czar kicked me out and he slept there instead
Then one bloody day revolution broke out
I went to see what all the fuss was about
Now here is the story, as it seemed to be
It was clearly a case of Lenin --- or me.
Yes the Bolsheviks came, kicked me out in the cold
And all I had left were some diamonds and gold.
But I'll get my revenge here, and I'll have no pity
By giving my testimony to the House Unamerican Activities
Committee...