[ Featuring SAINt JHN ]
Loneliness speaks through my smile
It sings the darkest lullaby
La, la-la-la, la-la, la
La, la-la-la, la-la, la
I call a 51-50 on myself
That's how you know I need help
I call a 51-50 on myself
That's how you know I need (help)
Tears of a fallen soldier, rollin' down my face
One hand stickin' out of my grave
The whole world left me for dead, Michael Jackson's estate
But I'm too high I'll never land
A river that knows it's source could never dry
That's why I had to cut out the middle man
Hate from all directions assassinatin' my character
I felt like Malcolm X in J. Edgar Hoover's America
I said the truth and I paid for it, I paid for it
I got on my knees and cried to the Lord, I prayed for it
I had bounties on my head when my sister was in my home
Sleepless nights by the chrome, trigger finger next to my dome
Contemplatin' self-destruction equatin' myself to nothin'
Fixated on my regression, I felt like Benjamin Button
I collapsed in my depression, I just couldn't write for nothin'
When I stared at my reflection all that I felt was disgusted
My confidence evaporated, less than a man I was emasculated
I turned to violence to be validated
Violated probation again and again
My kin and my friends like, "What the f*ck is up with you fam?
Don't you understand? Niggas wanna f*ck with you fam
But you keep f*ckin' yourself and that f*cks with your fans"
Pardon me, my nigga, I believed the lie I kept it too honest (ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh)
The pain behind your eyes, tells me that it's not what you wanted (ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh)
And it's hard to explain to the people standin' still why you're runnin' (ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh)
I was runnin' from the absolute savage that I know I'm becomin'
I call a 51-50 on myself
That's how you know I need help
I call a 51-50 on myself
That's how you know I need (help)
Do you know what the f*ck it feels like to wake up every day in distress
Pissed off at your self neglect so you just lay in your mess
And people depend on you, got so much shit on your chest
That you train of thought can't seem to find a way to express
I found a notebook in my parents crib from when I was five
I went inside
It said, "I hate myself, I want to die"
Cried, I couldn't even fathom a child feelin' so lonely
So next time a nigga tell you about Vic, say they don't know me
I need to be loved, I need to be loved, I needed the drugs
'Cause I couldn't do it, I couldn't do it
I was goin' through it
Growin' up I was a product of my biracial confusion
Neither black nor white
I guess that made me translucent
I crushed everything I touched
I f*cked every slut
Couldn't bust, it was a knot in my stomach
I plummet into my dungeon
Down in the depths of my darkness
I'm steppin' over my carcass
I'm comin' outta my hatred, tired of my heart bein' vacant
I made a promise won't break it
I told my mama we'll make it
I told my gang we gon' make it
If they won't give it to us we'll take it
One thing that is true is my greatness
Promise I won't doubt, I'll believe it
I'm exercisin' my demons
For the last time
Pardon me, my nigga, I believed the lie I kept it too honest (ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh)
The pain behind your eyes, tells me that it's not what you wanted (ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh)
And it's hard to explain to the people standin' still why you're runnin' (ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh)
I was runnin' from the absolute savage that I know I'm becomin'
But pardon me, my nigga, isn't this the life you said you wanted?
You know the car's movin' fast, what a view, and the women are stunnin'
And it's hard when you're comin' from the bottom tryin' not to become it
So I'm runnin' from the absolute savage that I know I'm becomin'
Comin', yeah
