Weird Al Yankovic - Mandatory Fun Lyrics - Full Album

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Weird Al Yankovic - Mandatory Fun Lyrics

Handy
Lame Claim To Fame
Foil
Sports Song
Word Crimes
My Own Eyes
Now Thats What I Call Polka!
Mission Statement
Inactive
First World Problems
Tacky
Jackson Park Express

[Verse 1:]
First things first, I'm a craftsman (craftsman)
Remodelling is my only passion (it's my passion)
And I'm the greatest in the business
Want referrals, yo
My clientèle will bear you witness (right, right)
I can help when your door jamb sticks (heh?)
There is nothing in the world I can't fix (yeah)
I do tiles, I do stone, I do bricks
Call me, I'll come rushing over with my bag of tricks (bag of tricks)
Where you go when your disposal is rusted (rusted)
Termite problem making you disgusted (yuck)
When your front window is busted (hey hey hey)
Just one man that's always trusted

[Chorus:]
I'm so handy, you already know
I'll fix your plumbing when your toilets over flows
I'm so handy, I'll bring you up to code
When your dishwasher's about to explode

[Verse 2:]
Now you see that your furnace is needing some service
I'm fully bonded, no need to be nervous
Perhaps you would like a new counter Formica
Maybe I'll hook up your dish washer combo dryer
But all your pipes are antique
Your water pressure's too weak
You got an attic full of dry rot
Because your roof sprung a leak
Your fridge is starting to reek
Your hardwood floors really squeak
But don't you worry I'll just show you my amazing technique
Now let me glue that, glue that and screw that, screw that
Any random chore you got, well I can do that, do that
Or maybe I'll just rewire your house for fun
I got 99 problems but a switch ain't one

[Chorus:]
I'm so handy, everyone said so
I'll grout your bathroom, resurface your patio
I'm so handy, I'm the guy to know
When your leaf blower doesn't blow-oh-oh-oh

[Bridge:]
Patch the drywall, clean your gutters and mow the lawn
Make that phone call, I'll install anything you want
Yeah, check my big staple gun, my socket wrenches are second to none
I won't quit 'til I'm done, don't even care if I hammer my thumb (OW!)

[Verse 3:]
Still rocking my screwdriver
Got the whole world thinking I'm MacGuyver
Your heating bills are shocking
I can solve that with some duct tape and some caulking
Your house is a disaster, huh?
Need a guy whose a master with the plaster, huh?
Let me be your stripper
Taking off lacquer, no one does it quicker

[Chorus:]
I'm so handy, you already know
I'll beat all price quotes, my hourly rates are low
I'm so handy, you should call this pro
I'm in the phone book and se habla Español

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Writer: George Astasio, Jason Andrew Pebworth, Charlotte Emma Aitchison, Kurtis Isaac Mckenzie, John Turner, Amethyst Amelia Kelly, Jonathan Christopher Shave, Weird Al Yankovic
Copyright: Lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group, Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd.
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Lame Claim To Fame

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Foil

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Writer: Alfred Matthew Yankovic, Ella Marija Lani Yelich O'Connor, Joel Little
Copyright: Lyrics © Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd.
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Sports Song

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Word Crimes

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Writer: Alfred Yankovic, Clifford Harris, Jr., Pharrell Williams, Robin Thicke
Copyright: Lyrics © Regard Music
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My Own Eyes

[Intro:]
I saw a baby drive a truck
I saw a junkie eat a tuba
I saw a stripper kiss a duck
Behind a dumpster in Aruba

[Verse 1:]
I saw this fat, psychotic guy
His underwear was made of crickets
He pawned a skeleton to buy
Some old expired lotto tickets

[Pre-Chorus 1:]
I saw a naked vagrant giving
Mouth-to-mouth resuscitation to his cat
I probably could have gone my whole life
Without seeing that

[Chorus:]
With my own eyes
I see things that'd drive a normal man insane
Wish I could disconnect my brain
From my own eyes

[Verse 2:]
I saw a mime get hacked to death
With an imaginary cleaver
I saw an old man's final breath
I watched him die from Bieber Fever
I saw these diabetic chicks
In an abandoned 7-Eleven
I watched them snorting pixie sticks
While they were belching Stairway To Heaven

[Pre-Chorus 2:]
I saw two drag queens trying to see how many crackers
They could shove up each other's nose
I'd like to erase my mind completely but I suppose
That's just the way it goes

[Chorus 2]
With my own eyes
I see things that'd drive a normal man insane
Wish I could disconnect my brain
From my own eyes (my own eyes)
Those visions haunt my memory
Oh, there's so much I wish I could unsee
With my own eyes

[Verse 3:]
Some priest got drunk and stole a circus zebra
And he trained it to massage his back
My guinea pig committed hara-kiri
So we used him to play hacky-sack
My neighbor's kids sold weapons grade plutonium
And frosty ice-cold lemonade
They took MasterCard and sometimes
Human organs in trade, that's how we paid
I have to say that it was really darn good lemonade

[Outro:]
With my own eyes
I've seen thing that'd drive a normal man insane
Wish I could disconnect my brain
From my own eyes (my own eyes)
Those visions haunt my memory
Oh, there's so much I wish I could unsee
With my own eyes [repeating]

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Now Thats What I Call Polka!

[Wrecking Ball:]
We clawed, we chained our hearts in vain
We jumped never asking why
We kissed, I fell under your spell
A love no one could deny

Don't you ever say I just walked away
I will always want you
I can't live a lie, running for my life
I will always want you

I came in like a wrecking ball
I never hit so hard in love
All I wanted was to break your walls
All you ever did was wreck me
Yeah, you wreck me

[Pumped Up Kicks:]
All the other kids with the pumped up kicks
You better run, better run, outrun my gun
All the other kids with the pumped up kicks
You better run, better run faster than my bullet

[Best Song Ever:]
And we danced all night to the best song ever
We knew every line, now I can't remember
I think it went ooh eh ooh
I think it went oohla eh ooh
I think it goes eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh

[Gangnam Style:]
Eh, sexy lady
Po, po, po, po
Polka Gangnam Style
Eh, sexy lady
Po, po, po, po
Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh

[Call Me Maybe:]
Hey, I just met you
And this is crazy
But here's my number
So call me, maybe
And all the other boys
Try to chase me
But here's my number
So call me, maybe

[Scream & Shout:]
I wanna scream and shout (hey!)
And let it all out
And scream and shout (hey!)
And let it out
We sayin', "Ohh, wee ohh, wee oh wee oh"
We sayin', "Ohh, wee ohh, wee oh wee oh wee ohh, wee oh wee oh"

[Somebody That I Used to Know:]
Now you're just somebody that I used to know
Now you're just somebody that I used to know

[Timber:]
It's going down (hey!), I'm yelling timber
You better move, you better dance
Let's make a night you won't remember
I'll be the one you won't forget
(Timber! Timber!)

[Sexy and I Know It:]
I'm sexy and I know it
Girl look at that body
(He's sexy and he knows it)

[Thrift Shop:]
I wear your grandad's clothes
I look incredible
I'm in this big old coat
From that thrift shop down the road

(He's wears your grandad's clothes) That's right!
(He looks incredible) I do!
(He's in that big old coat) It's large! Hey, lets go!
(From that thrift shop down the road)

I'm gonna pop some tags
Only got twenty dollars in my pocket
I'm hunting, looking for a come-up
This is super awesome

[Get Lucky:]
She's up all night til the sun
I'm up all night to get some
She's up all night for good fun
I'm up all night to get lucky

We're up all night til the sun
We're up all night to get some
We're up all night for good fun
We're up all night to get lucky

We're up all night to get lucky
We're up all night to get lucky
We're up all night to get lucky
We're up all night to get lucky
We're up all night to get lucky
We're up all night to get lucky
We're up all night to get lucky
Up all night to get lucky

[Outro:]
Yes, we're up all night to get
Can get lucky, we're gonna get lucky, let's all get lucky
We're up all night to get lucky! (Hey!)

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Writer: BEN HAGGERTY, DAVID LISTENBEE, ERIN BECK, GEORGE ROBERTSON, GREG ERR, GUY-MANUEL DE HOMEM-CHRISTO, KENNY OLIVER, NILE RODGERS, PHARELL WILLAMS, RYAN LEWIS, SKYLAR GORDY, STEFAN GORDY, THOMAS BANGALTER
Copyright: Lyrics © IMAGEM U.S. LLC
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Mission Statement

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Inactive

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Writer: Al Yankovic, Alexander Junior Grant, Benjamin Arthur McKee, Daniel Coulter Reynolds, Daniel Wayne Sermon
Copyright: Lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group, Bluewater Music Corp.
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First World Problems

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Tacky

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Jackson Park Express

[Verse 1:]
Tuesday morning, 8:15
I was riding to work on the
Jackson Park Express
Seemed like any other day
Then my whole world changed
In a way I never could have guessed
Cause she walked in
Took the seat right across the aisle
I knew we had a special connection
The second I saw her smile

She smiled as if to say
"Hello, Haven't seen you on this bus before"
I gave her a look that said
"Huh, Life is funny, you never know what's in store
By the way, your hair is beautiful
I bet it smells like raisins"

She looked at me in a way that asked
"Did you have a nose job or something?
I'm only asking, cause your nose looks slightly better
Than the rest of your face"
I arched my eyebrow, ever so slightly
Which was my way of asking
"Do you want my old Hewlett-Packard printer?
It still works, Kinda
And I got a bunch of ink cartridges left"

Then, she let out a long sigh
Which, I took to mean, "Uh"
"Mama, What is that deodorant you're wearing?
It's intoxicating
Why don't we drive out to the country sometime?
And collect deer ticks in a zip-lock baggie", Oh yeah

I gave her a penetrating stare
Which could only mean
"You are my answer, my answer to everything
Which is why, I'll probably do very poorly
On the written part of my driver's test"

[Chorus:]
Yes, It all happened
On the Jackson Park Express
On the Jackson Park Express
On the Jackson Park Express
On the Jackson Park Express

[Verse 2:]
I knew she was starting to fall for me
Cause she crinkled her nose, which unmistakably meant
"Baby, lets wear each other's clothes
And speak in a Victorian accent
And, maybe someday we can own and operate
Our own mobile pet-grooming service"
I couldn't hold back my feelings
I gave her a look, that said
"I would make any sacrifice for your love
Goat, chicken, whatever
I could never hold you close enough
Let's have our bodies surgically grafted together
Oh, surgically grafted together"

She picked up her newspaper, and started reading to herself
Which I'm sure, was a way of telling me
"When you're cold, I will warm you
When you're shivering, I will hold you
When your nauseous, I will give you Pepto-Bismol every hour
For as long as the symptoms persist"
Oh, I, I never, ever want to see you cry
So, please let me cauterize your tear ducts with an arc welder
Then, I glanced down, at her shirt, for a second
In a way that clearly implied
"I like your boobs"

[Chorus]

[Verse 3:]
I cleared my throat quietly, and then, I looked away
And I'm sure it was obvious to her, just what I was trying to say
I was trying to say, "Hey
I'd like to make a wall-sized mural out of all the dead skin cells
That you slough off while you sleep at night"
Whoa-o-Oh, "I'd like to rip you wide open
And french-kiss every single one of your internal organs
Oh, I'd like to remove all your skin, and wear your skin, over my own skin
But not in a creepy way"

Then, I'm pretty sure, she looked at me, out of the corner of her good eye
And, though, she never spoke a word, this is exactly what I heard
She was saying, "Oh!
I wanna make out with you, in an abandoned toll-booth, in the middle of a monsoon
I wanna ride dolphins with you, in the moonlight
Until the staff at Sea World kicks us out
I want you inside me, oh, like a tapeworm"

I pointed to the side of my mouth, as a way of indicating
"Hey, I think you got something on the side of your mouth"
She licked the corner of her lips, as if to say
"Here?", I nodded, implying, "Yeah, you got it"

And, then the bus stopped, at 53rd Street, and she got up suddenly
"Where are you going?", pleaded my eyes, "Baby, don't you do this to me
Think of the beautiful children we could have someday
We could school them at home, Raise them up the right way
And protect them from the evils of the world
Like Trigonometry and Prime Numbers, oh no
Baby, please don't go"

She brushed my leg, as she left the bus
I'm sure that was her way of saying
"I'm sorry this just isn't working out
You're suffocating me
I need some space to find out what life's all about
So, goodbye forever, my love"

And deep inside, I knew she was right
It was time for us both to move on
And though, I never got her number, oh no no
She never bothered to leave her address, oh
But, as long as I live, I'll never forget
Those precious moments we shared together

[Outro:]
On the Jackson Park Express
On the Jackson Park Express
On the Jackson Park Express
On the Jackson Park Express
On the Jackson Park Express
On the Jackson Park Express
On the Jackson Park Express
On the Jackson Park Express

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Weird Al Yankovic - Mandatory Fun Album Lyrics