Zach Snyder - My Resume Lyrics

Hey welcome to Samuel, Sammy's and Sam's, Trains, Planes and Automobiles
I'm Sammy, How can I help you?
Umm yess, I called yesterday about a job interview
And the person on the phone told me to come by today
Ahh I see, you must by Zach Snyder
Yep that's me
And what makes you wanna work here Zach?
Well I'm ah between jobs currently, so I need a source of income
The rent ain't gonna pay itself, ya know
Yeah, well, let's see if you're qualified. Did you bring your resume?
Umm my resume?
Yeah, when was the last time you applied for a job
Umm so about that...
Do you not have a resume at all?
No, no I do. Let me pull it up right quick on my phone
Alright then, read it off when you're ready

I'm 23 years old, graduated top of my class in high school
You're lookin at the prom king, band captain, yeah that's canon
I'm the coolest muhf*cka in my generation

I did a lot of clubs, stayed off of the hub, to make my grades go up
Instead of havin fun - I volunteered a bit, had a part-time job, before
I went to college and then
Dropped out of college, to go do YouTube

So what you're saying is you peaked in high school?
No, no not at all, what?
That's exactly what it sounds like you're saying
Nah you see

Sure, I dropped out of college, but I still got a whole lot of lessons for my dollar
Like how much liquor can a group of frat boys drink
Or put ice cream between some cookies for a lunch time treat

I also found out teachers hate when you skip classes
And that I'd rather spend time, cooking up classics
I'm talking making videos until it's 2am
And then sleeping in late, because well
Class is a waste of time

Well have you at least done any work since you dropped out?
I mean, what do you constitute as work?
You know what I mean?

I mean
I made a video about f*ckin Pokemon
Like which ones were the thiccest, have you seen that one?
I also read the Taco Bell Menu over a beat
And made a bunch of really dumb, funny ass tweets
I've talked about the worst things ever
Like Titans Season 1 and why it wasn't clever
I even streamed myself playing some really hard games
And laid around with depression, cause I wasn't gettin laid
Don't forget about the time that I played a lot of Tetris
I swear my highscore will eventually be the best-est
I've complained about YouTube on a dumbass podcast
Made a lot of trash and a lot of promise-ses
That I probably didn't keep, but at least I"m being honest
Man I wanna go to sleep
So what do you say, what do you think?
I'd say my resume's impressive - so uh yeah, what now?

Well I think we're done here?
Did I get the job?
No, of course you didn't get the job